Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Taboo subject?

I have been trying to figure out for ages why no rape victim ever speaks out about their experience and why they would feel ashamed about being a victim. Can anyone enlighten me?? I have been at times ashamed and embarrassed about what happened to me. Mostly those feeling have developed from peoples responses to my story. These people did not react out of menace but out of awkwardness and were unable to connect in the way I needed them too.

Why is rape such a taboo subject?!
Why do they seem scared about something that happened to me and not them?

Hear are my thoughts. I think firstly and foremost people are scared of rape becoming a reality for them. And of course, this is totally natural. They can only imagine how horrible the experience is and therefore, like most humans, they avoid the conversation.
I am scared of getting cancer, or being in a plane crash, or losing someone in my family but I do not think this fear makes me unable to be there for someone whose mother has died or someone who has cancer. I do not think these problems are contagious.

Yet, there is something that stops people talking about rape. There is a definite fear that I have noticed in people’s eyes even when mentioning the word rape. I have even been asked what clothes I was wearing at the time, if I was drunk and if I was walking alone. People who asked these questions seemed deeply disturbed by what had happened to me and I think they were desperate to find out ‘where I went wrong’ so that they were able to avoid the situation. These questions do not intend to place blame on me but I did feel ashamed.

The thing that shocked me the most by these questions was the total lack of understanding as to how utterly powerless I was. The above questions seemed to give me power after the rape had happened. If I had been wearing a different outfit would I have gone unnoticed? If I had been with ten people would he have walked past me? Possibly, but the fact is I was taken and against my will I was raped. If I had any choice in the matter, believe me, it wouldn’t have happened.

I am not going to sit here and give you a detailed account of my rape, that isn’t what I am here for. I am going to sit here and say (type) that it is the hardest thing that I have ever been through. My whole world disintegrated in front of my eyes and I was literally powerless to stop it from crumbling.

I get that it is a horrible thing to talk about. And there are blurred lines when it comes to what technically rape is. To me it doesn’t have to be so complicated. Whatever the situation may be, whatever caused you to be alone with that person if two people consent to sex it isn’t rape. If one person says no and it still goes ahead it is rape. Fact.

I would really love to hear any responses to this blog. I am so interested in what feelings this post provokes in people. Whether you have been raped or not, I would love to hear your opinion. 

This is my platform to air my thoughts; I would love to share it with you.

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